Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconxxxwiltingvioletxxx: More from XxXWiltingVioletXxX


Featured in Collections

Literature by LittleFishPenguin95

Literature You just have to read by PyroAshes

Literature by theWitchofGrich


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
December 24, 2012
File Size
1.6 KB
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
302 (1 today)
Favourites
15 (who?)
Comments
10
×
Frost covered the trees as the wind made them sway,
And they danced in the snow fall, a bitter ballet.
The mournful wind howled, she thought she heard it say:
“Love only brings sorrow; start running away.”
The faint light made every single snow flake
Sparkle and shine like a jewelry display.
They argued, “walk this way”
“No, he loves you; please stay.”
He begged “Darling I love you, don’t walk away.
              Please don’t walk away.”
But she knew in her heart that she could never stay.
She loved him, it was true, to her icy heart’s dismay,
And it implored her to leave, to start running away.
“Love only brings sorrow,” he heard her say,
And she turned in the snow and began walking away.
He said softly to the silence, “Only if you make it that way.”

He felt heavy with the words he wished he could say,
And the wind whispered sadly, “you knew she couldn't stay.”
The evening was beautiful in a bitter sort of way,
As the snow settled down and the frost-laden trees swayed.
But he swore, he saw nothing lovelier that day
Than his love in the snow, their hearts both so frayed.
As dusk set in, he could see her silhouette in the gray;
She was beautiful as ever even as she was walking away,
Even as the sad wind lifted her and blew her away.
I've never written a poem with each line ending with the same sound, mostly because i usually find it to be too repetitive. I am very proud of this one though :D
Add a Comment:
 
:iconcrazi-4-muffinz:
crazi-4-muffinz Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is beautiful &, once again, your work brought tears to my eyes.
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
nice bittersweet story. with a bit of attention to cadence (rhythm) it could be even better.
Reply
:iconxxxwiltingvioletxxx:
XxXWiltingVioletXxX Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :)

Really? :O I'm very particular about having the proper rhythm, and I read this one over quite a few times to make sure it flowed. I know there were two lines that were a little off, but I chose to leave them that way... are you finding it to be really choppy?
I usually write my poems so that they sound best read aloud. I suppose that occasionally results in the pace and beat sounding quite uneven and rough if it's read silently; maybe that has something to do with it?
I appreciate the feedback! :D
Reply
:icontommyboywood:
tommyboywood Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
your welcome
Reply
:iconender1980:
ender1980 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You have turned what could have been very gimmicky into a Jewel. "And they danced in the snow fall...a bitter ballet" A perfect line... Very lovely.
Reply
:iconxxxwiltingvioletxxx:
XxXWiltingVioletXxX Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much :D
Reply
:iconserenecyrene:
SereneCyrene Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012  Student General Artist
Sad, but beautiful. ^_^
Reply
:iconxxxwiltingvioletxxx:
XxXWiltingVioletXxX Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :D That means a lot!
Reply
:iconthewitchofgrich:
theWitchofGrich Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2012
lovely :D
Reply
:iconxxxwiltingvioletxxx:
XxXWiltingVioletXxX Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :hug: I really appreciate that!
Reply
Add a Comment: